"Do I have to go?" Derek asked while swinging his ear bud in the air.
"Yes you have to go. It's the family Christmas party. It's at our house!" DeAnn yelled as she took another tray of sugar cookies out of the oven.
"Mom, the party is always lame. It's just a bunch of people thrown in a room together for a few hours and having to pretend like we know and like each other."
"It's your family, Derek. Deal with it."
The door bell rang as DeAnn was arranging the sugar cookies on a platter in the shape of an Angel. She frantically looked at the clock. "It's already 6! I'm not done! Derek, please go get the door and then go find your dad."
Derek placed his ear bud back in his ear, walking out of the kitchen. "Whatever."
Thirty minutes later, the house was packed with every family member Derek could think of. Aunts, uncles, grandparents, in-laws, and cousins (some of them twice removed). Even Uncle Joe's ex was there. Derek tried to hide in a corner where no one could see him, his music blaring to drown out the chatter.
Aunt Mindy soon saw him, ran up and threw her arms around him, knocking out his ear buds. "Kyle! Oh, how you've grown! Look at you, what are you twelve now?" She put her hand under Derek's chin, turning his head side to side. "Acne. What a pain, right?"
"My name is Derek. And I'm 16. Kyle is Barbara's son. He's 9."
"Oh, you all look the same! Have you met my new flame? He's quite the catch." Aunt Mindy winked her eye, getting her false lashes stuck together. "Oh dear," she said, pulling them apart with her fake nails. A young Italian guy with a leather jacket walked up to them, slapping Aunt Mindy on the butt. He turned her around and pulled her in to an intimate kiss. Derek took this grotesque opportunity to get away.
“Derek, there you are!” DeAnn cried out. “Have you seen your dad? I told you to find him!”
“No, I haven’t seen him,” Derek said with a bored voice. “I checked every room in the house. I checked outside, too. His car is gone.”
“WHAT?! Well, when you find him you send him straight to me!”
Right then a car flew through the front of the house, landing in the middle of the room. Screams erupted as the glass from the windows shattered and pieces of furniture went everywhere. Panic and confusion filled the air.
Once the initial shock wore off, Derek looked down to see Uncle Joe pinned underneath the car. The driver side door of the car squeaked open and Derek’s dad stumbled out.
“I’m here!” he stammered, waving a liquor bottle through the air.
Derek turned to his mom. “I found him.”
Quite the surprise ending there, I have to admit I didn't see it coming. I enjoyed the personality of Aunt Mindy and probably would have enjoyed seeing more of the quirky personalities a few of the family members had.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed was that you mention Derek is bored several times, but I think you might be better served by mentioning it once and then sticking to showing it, as you do when you have him say 'Whatever' and put his ear bud in. That action alone shows his attitude.
I do like the eccentricities of the various family members. In a longer piece it would be fun to see those. The surprise was very unexpected, poor Uncle Joe.
ReplyDeleteI think Derek's boredom is portrayed well. I didn't find the use of the word excessive, rather complementing the action. I especially liked the smart-aleck touch at the end telling his mother he found his dad.
I know this family party. I've been to many family reunions. Amazing how you can meet new people at the same party year after year. I think the story works on that level. The only thing I might suggest would be more foreshadowing. The ending doesn't feel quite earned. I think a few veiled lines throughout could give the twist a bigger pay off. Nice job!
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