Christmas was always spent at a family party, held every year on the 23rd. Five years ago, was when I was approximately 16 years old, the Christmas Party fell on a particularly crisp, cold night. My parents had just been killed in car accident only a few weeks before and I was left to tend Alex. The situation was difficult on me, but I can't even imagine how it was for Alex, going through the loss of your parents and finishing middle school has got to be hard. Yes, we had a relative who "had custody" but the only thing she really ever cared to have custody over was a whiskey sour.
Over Christmas break we were attending the Family Christmas Party. This was the first time I ever remembered having the Christmas party professionally catered. Caterers in pressed black uniforms carried warm dinner foods from the kitchen area into the Cultural Hall where tables were setup and families requisitioned seats. I was talking to Grandma and Grandpa about the Christmas party a few years ago when my mother and I had sang for Grandpa. I wish now that I had spent more time singing with my mom. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the a commotion, I turned to see the East doors blow open wildly with such force that it knocked the serving tables on their side. A moment later I felt a concussions from multiple directions hit my body while bright lights popped and shimmered every where I looked. The hall was filled with high pitched howls, screeches and pops until you couldn't hear or see anything.
As my eyes cleared I saw with disbelief as one of the catering staff reached to his side and uncovering his shirt pulled out a small pistol, firing it in the same motion as he brought it up. As quickly as he raised the gun his body was thrown backwards, leaving a misting of fine red particles. I turned and saw helmeted men entering by each door way, rifles raised and firing. Everywhere I looked our catering staff lay dead or wounded. Families ran, crouched over, in terror. But it was all in vain. Anywhere peopled moved they were mowed down by the silent assassins.
This can't be happening, I thought frantically to myself. I saw Alex jump up and run towards the stage from where he had been knocked over when the doors had blown over. I saw the nearest attacker raise his weapon, pointed straight at Alex's back. 'NOOOOO!' I thought and screamed in rage, 'Not Alex!' I couldn't bear to look, my eyes clenched shut. After a moment I realized I hadn't heard a shot. Slowly I opened my eyes. Alex stood not 10 paces for my, eyes wide in shock. Behind him, the man who had been about to shoot him lay motionless on the floor. I looked all around me, everywhere I looked, black helmeted men lay fallen.
This seems very visual to me, like it's written to be a TV or movie scene, which is good. There is a typo I think where you say, 'Alex stood not 10 paces for my,' I assume you probably mean 'not 10 paces from me,' or something like that, but otherwise it feels really action packed and ends on an interesting cliff-hanger.
ReplyDeleteWhile it might seem cliche to have an action sequence be a surprise, I was nevertheless, surprised. I really felt like I was experiencing it and it was a great "en media res". Really does make me wonder where it goes from there.
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